phonecalls everywhere!

yesterday was dance. and he so happened to call me just before dance started. talked for awhile.. den hung up.. den talked again after dance.. i called him for the first time.. haha.. den went home... hmm.. guess we got closer thru tel calls? haha.

todayy.. talked awhile online in e morn.. was like.. trying to hard to distance ourselves abit frm one another.. but he managed to convince me.. to follow my heart. sigh! den after tt.. on board e mrt.. was supposed to call hJ.. but accidentally called him.. haha. den after tt i hung up cos i realised i called wrongly. den he called back.. den.. talked for awhile.. haha... den after tt when i came back home.. he called.. when i was sitting right in front of my MOM! goodness. den i went to the toilet to call him back. so diaos! den.. called him jus now.. den he called me when watching the same tv prog. haha! so funny call here call dere.. just wanted to "keep a record" of how many times we called each other n stuff lar.. teehee! im happyyy todayy!

suwan danced on 2004-11-03 at 7:45 p.m. | im frozen in time.. waiting for you.

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im one happy girl(:

wow. im amazed how one DAY can change everything! yesterday.. we talked on the phone for 1hr20mins plus. i cant believe it. gosh. how did we do it!

hm.. i THINK both of us recognise the interests we hav liao. but i still cant say i love him or give a certain YES when he asks if i like him.. cos.. i wanna be very sure. i dun wanna be like last time.. like frank. i duno lar. was really very.... OPEN about everything.. wad we talked abt and all.. hmm...

im happy(: i hope this feeling lasts.

suwan danced on 2004-11-02 at 9:38 a.m. | im frozen in time.. waiting for you.

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i simply don't know what to do

love comes at the most amazing times. i duno. its not confirmed yet. but i have this strong gut feeling... hopefully..

he's kinda nice. sweet. and i duno. but the thing is. we only know each other for... wad.. a few days? its pretty obvious he's interested in me. but i duno. am i interested in him? i really dunno.

daddy [not my real one] says that one day will pass. and another.. and another.. and before you noe it.. its gonna be a year.. and he was like.. oh.. time dusnt really matter... +rolls eyes+ i duno.. i duno if i shld take the risk. and experience it.. wad its like to be loved. i rejected my gor.. i duno why.. it just dint feel right. he just dusnt seem certain enuff? i really duno. but wiv vince... it seems different. ohwells. he hasnt said anything. and im really praying that he wun say anything till its right. i dun ever wanna be hurt. SIGH..

he's calling tmr. i duno.. shld i even bother to wake up? HMM.. ahha.. half of me says im stupid. this is totally wrong. like HELL? you only know dis guy for how long? you duno who he is? you only know that he's nice and q caring and he's abt e same height as you? even slightly shorter?? i duno!!!

but the other half of me says.. if i give him a chance, sthg good may happen? like i'll learn sthg or wad. i duno! i really duno. but i guess. dis is totally up to me. i've really gotta handle my own emotions, and prevent myself frm getting hurt..

sigh. i duno. im confused. HOW?

suwan danced on 2004-10-31 at 7:28 p.m. | im frozen in time.. waiting for you.

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my life is a blank. a complete blank. i duno... i've always been strong. but ever since everything dat happened... i dunno.. makes me feel weak. i got my answer. ya. he doesnt lyk me in e way i like him to. sigh. i asked him if i shld give up.. he said its up to me. i mean wad e hell?! up to me?? its up to HIM. he's thoughts are a blur to me totally. sigh. the wrong pple are giving me the wrong attention.. why is my life so cham.. im a pathetic piece of shit. fine. i dun wnana blog abt my pathetic life alreadi.

[[suwan]]*

suwan danced on 2004-07-30 at 3:00 p.m. | im frozen in time.. waiting for you.

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sadness.

did so many stupid things in my life.. and of which.. one was to fall in love wiv you.. y did i do dat? sigh! but its a irreversible thing... i cant take back everything... sigh. u gave me hope.. and took it away..

suwan danced on 2004-07-10 at 4:13 p.m. | im frozen in time.. waiting for you.

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!!

right. he finally smsed me FIRST.. hopefully it isnt by mistake or sthg... but its some spastic thing which i cant comprehend myself.. jus four words: "doing cip in town?" hmm... weird.. mer jus told me she was going to do cip... ?! nvm... see if he replies. bahhh``

suwan danced on 2004-07-10 at 1:10 p.m. | im frozen in time.. waiting for you.

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happiness -> depression

i dunno wad 2 say.. he made me very happy on wednesday nite.. said really sweet things... mebbe dat made me haf hope.. he was complimenting me q abit.. n cos i asked him to go hcjc.. so dat hc wudnt be all dat cheenafied.. actually he din wanna go.. cos he says e rugby dere sucks and everything... but i was lyk.. haiya.. i dun care la.. den he said.. okay la.. for you.. i will go.. i was lyk.. touched.. super sweet.. i was.. melting.. i really thought that there was hope already... i cudnt sleep dat nite.. tossed n turned till 1am plus.. still cudnt sleep.. kept thinking abt the things he said.. sigh.. was super happy e nxt day.. den on thursday nite.. e convo started off pretty well... he was asking for my ugly pic in short hair.. n we were jus arguing arnd.. den i was.. jus.. talking.. den i bcame his silly girl.. duno how we got dere.. so i was lyk.. okay la... but ltr on after we ctned toking.. he sorta told me things.. dat made me feel... disturbed.. things lyk... he's closer to shisi den to me.... i mean.. yea la.. e times we spent together aint all dat much.. but still.. we've been talking almost everyday.. sigh.. n every single convo we haf.. he always mentions shu... always.. not once did he not mention shu.. except for mebbe ytd nite.. [later] he said he missed her n all.. cos she din call him.. blahblahblah.. wadeva la... i was lyk.. why are u telling me dis man.. sigh.. he ever told me dat shu was dating his snr.. and wad not.. n dat he n her were jus close frens.. ya.. calling each other every nite.... bahh..

i dunno why im feeling dis...... i dunno.. jealousy? envy? sigh~ i feel very alone.. lyk dere's no ONE person i can totally rely on.. im still looking.. cos its lyk.. lq n yx haf each other.. marg wun understand dis kinda things.. besides she n jac... kim has monica.. jodie has her own classmates... mer has hJ.. mer1 has her own classmates.. so i mean.. i dun haf lyk one person dere... well.. he's nice n sensitive most of da time.. if only we'd met lyk so much earlier... sigh~ shit la.. i feel damn pathetic... i want a bestest fren.. but i cant haf.. i want a guy in my life.. but i cant haf it.. im a pathetic piece of shit..

ytd nite.... he came online really late... he waited for veh long before talking to me.. i was veh dao to him.. said less den wad i usually respond to him.. sigh.. dunno.. sometimes he just praises me.. n make me feel happy.. but e thing is. i dun wnana be praised.. n be happy.. n get false hopes.. when he actually means nothing.. no way.. i dun wanna be so happy lyk on wednesday nite ever again.. unless it's for real.. unless it really means something... sigh.. i can do nothing to make dis right.. shit... i hate myself.

suwan danced on 2004-07-10 at 10:38 a.m. | im frozen in time.. waiting for you.

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i dunno.. feel.. disappointed.. he never does msg me on his own accord.. sigh.. darnoe.. mebbe its cos.. we've known each other for lyk wad.. 7days. wow.. its so lil.. yet i've fallen for him i like him.. sigh~ y does it always have to be the case?? y cant HE fall for me instead. shit.. im getting.. childish. fine.. as a FRIEND. yea.. i guess twin doesnt noe as well.. mebbe she doesnt expect me to be so... impulsive. darnoe.. sigh~ all i can do now.. is wait. and wait. and wait. we arent even at that stage of.. well.. FRIENDS.. sigh~ how on earth is shu related 2 him?? i mean.. he said she was his.. wait.. "close friend" dats all. so.. y is she calling him ALMOST EVERYDAY? bahh.. not dat im being.. u noe.. childish.. but.. every night. when we're talking.. den he'll jus stop somewhere.. answer the call.. n not come back. yea.. so.. i mean.. i dun do dat to my frens right.. shit.. i sound.. despo.. fancy meeting dis guy.. who's nice.. n shuai.. n sensitive.. in some ways.. n i.. NVM. forget it.. mebbe he's not even meant to be my FREN. shit la.

suwan danced on 2004-07-05 at 8:43 a.m. | im frozen in time.. waiting for you.

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this is my first entry in this blog. right now i haven't decided if i want to make this private.

suwan danced on 2004-07-04 at 7:27 p.m. | im frozen in time.. waiting for you.

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only people who haf access here
mer[loh]-jie
liuqian-twinnie
yongxian-qingaide